All posts tagged Pornography

This is the ninth video in a nine part series entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” False Love has a complementing seminar entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.

False Love: Step 9 from Equip on Vimeo.

The follow quotes are part of the teaching notes being referenced.

STEP 9
STEWARD all of my life for God’s glory.

To “steward” something means to use it for God’s intended purpose. It is important to remember that what is being stewarded is your life, not merely the experience of overcoming sexual sin. To think otherwise would be to define yourself by your struggle again.

“I use the word recovery less, and the word healing or transformation more. We don’t go backward and recover; rather, we go forward to heal and be transformed… I have come to believe the Twelve Steps do not emphasize enough the radical spiritual transformation that can only be achieved through a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ (p. 18).” Mark Laaser in Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction

Sin is a parasite that lives off of stolen resources (time, energy, love, etc…) that were intended for other purposes. As we rid ourselves of this vile intruder, those resources upon which sin once indulged become available for God’s design and our true enjoyment. Ultimately, stewardship is the pinnacle where purpose, worship, and joy meet.

“Sex addicts must develop a vision. A vision is a clear idea of God’s calling, plan, and purpose for one’s life (p. 167).” Mark Laaser in Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction

 “The fight of faith against lust is the fight to stay satisfied with God (p. 335).” John Piper in Future Grace

This is the eighth video in a nine part series entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” False Love has a complementing seminar entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.

False Love: Step 8 from Equip on Vimeo.

The follow quotes are part of the teaching notes being referenced.

STEP 8
PERSEVERE in the new life and identity to which God has called me.

“One of the things we must realize is that if God were to instantly set us free, it would then be much easier for us to return to old habits (p. 122).” Steve Gallagher in At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry

“Porn is easy. It’s trouble-free and its pleasures are instant. Marriage is hard work. It involves two sinners being thrown together in close proximity (p. 127)!… Marriage is a gift for service, and sex is gloriously given to cement that partnership. But don’t let sex become the goal of your marriage—otherwise porn may seem like a good supplement (p. 129).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

“But I’ve found that many men can stop habitual masturbation more readily than they imagine. Once they’re persuaded that life without masturbation is better than life with masturbation (p. 93)… Every time we worship God we’re reminding ourselves that he is bigger and better than anything porn can offer (p. 99).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

“In other words, to rightly embrace our sexuality we must bring it under the dominion of the One who created it. When we do so, we’re not fighting against our sexuality; we’re fighting for it. We’re rescuing our sexuality from being ruined by lust (p. 43).” Joshua Harris in Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is)

“You can’t ‘just say no’ to an evil imagination. You have to appeal in a more profound way to your imagination by working to replace the evil, dark, and wicked in your mind with the good, light, and pure (p. 22)… [God] wants you to have a vision of something so much better than living within your dark, self-centered imagination. God wants to give you a vision of life as it is meant to be, filled with real, true, and intimate relationship with him and authentic, loving relationships with others (p. 23).” David Powlison in Sexual Addiction

“[Referencing Genesis 2:23] Do not neglect the words ‘at last.’ It was through that period of searching, that period of sinless waiting on God, that Adam learned to appreciate what God ultimately provided (p. 48).” Tim Challies in Sexual Detox

This is the seventh video in a nine part series entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” False Love has a complementing seminar entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.

False Love: Step 7 from Equip on Vimeo.

The follow quotes are part of the teaching notes being referenced.

STEP 7
IMPLEMENT the new structure pervasively with humility and flexibility.

“Chaos occurs when we become willing to change and make real efforts to do so. Since this is new ground, we don’t know how to act or what to do. The old behaviors are gone, but we haven’t learned new ones yet. Chaos is confusing, frightening, and painful (p. 133).” Mark Laaser in Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction

“Going in the right direction in your struggle with sexual addiction means learning to fight your temptation to sin, learning to handle your guilt when you fail, and learning to understand and deal with the circumstances in which you are tempted (p. 8).” David Powlison in Sexual Addiction

“As most adults have learned the hard way, reality is rarely as wonderful as fantasy. Many people create expectations for sex that reality cannot meet. I dare say that rarely has a teenage boy created a fantasy in which his partner rebuffs his advances because she is too tired (p. 40).” Tim Challies in Sexual Detox

“When things get tough at home, and they most certainly will, Satan will be right there to tempt you to run back to the partner. Rejection of these desires is imperative and will be a vital part of your recovery. Denial that these desires exist will only increase your vulnerability and risk. Be honest with yourself and with God. Recognize that the source of these desires is based on a lie. And the relationship you’d be running to is based in fantasy. Focus on the commitment you’ve made that is based on truth (p. 51).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful

“Paint yourself into a corner by telling others of your plans for change (p. 340).” Doug Rosenau in A Celebration of Sex

“Porn is a sin of imagination. We need to counter it by enlarging our imaginations. The answer to porn is to believe the truth. But that’s so much more than an intellectual process. We need to let the truth capture our imaginations: to meditate, ponder, wonder at, and sing the truth. We need to feel the truth, glory in the truth, delight in the truth (p. 64).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

Life Restructuring Assessment Tool from Step 7: Sexual Sin Plan Eval Form

This is the sixth video in a nine part series entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” False Love has a complementing seminar entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.

False Love: Step 6 from Equip on Vimeo.

The follow quotes are part of the teaching notes being referenced.

STEP 6
RESTRUCTURE MY LIFE to rely on God’s grace and Word to transform my life.

“Fleeing temptation may not be the complete solution, but it does buy time while we fight the fight of faith (p. 94).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

“Suppose your Biology 101 professor handed you a live wolverine and asked you to dissect it—but you had no anesthetic and no way to tie the beast down. What if you talked nicely to the wolverine: ‘Now, sir, if you just sit still, I’ll try to get this over as quickly as possible?’ All you’d see would be bare teeth and flying claws in violent resistance to your experiment. Your flesh won’t sit still for meditation and prayer any more than a wolverine would submit to surgery (p. 73).” Kris Lungaard in The Enemy Within

“You see, sexual impurity isn’t like a tumor growing out of control inside us. We treat it that way when our prayers focus on deliverance, as we plead for someone to come remove it. Actually, sexual impurity is a series of bad decisions on our part—a result of immature character—and deliverance won’t deliver you into instant maturity. Character work needs to be done (p. 92)… You will have to take by faith that once you get your eyes and mind under control, the sexual pressure will drop off dramatically. You bring most of the sexual pressure onto yourself through visual sensual stimulation and mental fantasy (p. 118).” Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker in Everyman’s Battle

“If you are a man, start viewing women as your sisters, as people to protect instead of prey upon. If you are a woman, start treating men as your brothers rather than turning them into romantic-erotic objects… If you are married, begin the hard work of building an honest relationship where sexuality becomes one of the fruits of your unity as a couple (p. 25).” David Powlison in Sexual Addiction

“Our view of sex becomes detached from relationship and intimacy. Sex in porn is just a physical activity, nothing more. But real sex, sex as God intended, is the celebration and climax—quite literally—of a relationship. Godly sex is part of a package that includes talking together, sharing together, deciding together, crying together, working together, laughing together and forgiving each other. Orgasm comes at the end of a process that began with offering a compliment, doing the chores, recalling your day, unburdening your heart, tidying the house. Sex that disregards this is hollow… If you view sex as personal gratification or a chance to enact your fantasy, if you have sex while disregarding intimacy or unresolved conflict, then that sex will be bad in both senses of the word: poor quality and ungodly (p. 18).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

This is the fifth video in a nine part series entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” False Love has a complementing seminar entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.

False Love: Step 5 from Equip on Vimeo.

The follow quotes are part of the teaching notes being referenced.

STEP 5
CONFESS TO THOSE AFFECTED for harm done and seek to make amends.

“Making oneself transparent to another person is one of the difficult things that must be done. A man may institute all of the other steps outlined in this book into his life, but if he hedges on this one, all other efforts might prove to have been in vain (p. 63).” Steve Gallagher in At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry

“I hadn’t asked her before bringing this sin into our home. If she was going to live with the consequences of it, then she had the right to determine what she needed to know. If we had any chance of rebuilding this marriage, there was no more room for lies or half-truths. In our groups, we answer more questions related to talking during adultery recovery than any other subject. We might have thought trust or forgiveness or even sex would come up most often, but, in reality, conversation is the bridge that can deliver trust, forgiveness, and sex (p. 148).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful

“Confession includes two important aspects: (1) Confession brings secrets to the light of day so we drain them of their power… (2) Confession allows God and a caring person to see our ugliness and still love us… It is usually not healthy to make our wives our only accountability partners or our primary confessors (p. 339).” Doug Rosenau in A Celebration of Sex

“I have heard people tell me many times that they do not have anyone to confess to. What they were really saying is that they were not desperate enough to seek out someone that might be able to assist them (p. 75-76).” Steve Gallagher in At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry

“Building real relationships of love with real people is crucial to the transformation of your imagination. You have spent way too much time in your private fantasy world. A world of honest, constructive relationships await (p. 24)… The Bible is full of stories about sexual sin, and they are told in a way that leaves us without illusions, but is never arousing or morbid (p. 27).” David Powlison in Sexual Addiction

Confession Tool from Step 5: Confession Guide for Sexual Sin