All posts tagged covenant

This video segment is one of six presentations in the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations” seminar. There will be four more seminars in this series covering the subjects: communication, finances, decision making, and intimacy. As those presentations are ready they will be posted on this blog.

NOTE: Many people have asked how they can get a copy of the seminar notebook referenced in this verbal presentation. Summit members can pick up a copy of the notebook in the church office. For those outside the Summit family, you can request a copy from Amy LaBarr (alabarr@summitrdu.com), office administrator over counseling.

Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations (part 6) from Equip on Vimeo.

Worksheet One: Job Description — Wife

Memorize: Ephesians 5:22-24 (ESV), “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:

• “Submit” – Define this word in light of the passage instead of defining this passage by your response to this word.
•  “To your own husbands” – This passage is not about the value of men-women, but functioning within a family.
• “As Christ is the head” – More women may embrace Christianity because they are made to be in the church-role.
• “As the church” – Read how Jesus’ sees and treats His church to understand God’s intention (Rev. 21).
• “In everything” – This does not apply to immoral actions and should not be frequently needed but is the standard.

 Teaching Notes

“Modern Western readers immediately focus on (and often bristle at) the word ‘submit,’ because for us it touches the controversial issue of gender roles. But to start arguing about that is a mistake that will be fatal to any true grasp of Paul’s introductory point. He is declaring that everything he is about to say about marriage assumes that the parties are being filled with God’s Spirit. Only if you have learned to serve others by the power of the Holy Spirit will you have the power to face the challenges of marriage (p. 50-51).” Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage

“God did not make marriages with a cookie cutter, and the ways in which wives may support, complement, and complete their spouses are usually open to a lifetime of discovery. But the realization that Christ intends for each wife to represent him—to be his hands and heart—for her husband is the key discovery that revolutionizes women’s perceptions of their purposes in marriage (p. 105).” Bryan Chappell in Each for the Other

“We see that the submissive wife—far from being the weak-willed women our culture portrays—is actually a model of inner strength. By God’s grace, she has conquered this opposition within her own heart. It is actually weakness on display when a wife is not submissive; she is only caving in to her natural inclination to usurp authority and demand her own way. That doesn’t take any effort at all (p. 140).” Carolyn Mahaney in Feminine Appeal

“As women become more assertive in the marriage relationship, many men have become increasingly passive in their homes. Women then become less respectful of their husbands, and husbands in turn show less love to their wives (p. 167).” Dennis Rainey (editor) in Preparing for Marriage

“God’s will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband (p. 4)… She will also show respect on a daily basis when he is just an everyday, ordinary person. If your husband is in this category (as are most husbands), God wants you to be grateful for him and his ordinary job, looks, not-so-eloquent speaking ability, etc. (p. 110).” Martha Peace in The Excellent Wife

“We simply can’t have our cake and eat it, too. We can’t insist on running the show and then expect men to be proactive, take initiative, and be ‘spiritual leaders’… You must be willing to let him fail—believing that ultimately, your security is not in your husband but in a sovereign God who is not going to fail you (p. 154).” Nancy Leigh DeMoss in Lies Women Believe

This video segment is one of six presentations in the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations” seminar. There will be four more seminars in this series covering the subjects: communication, finances, decision making, and intimacy. As those presentations are ready they will be posted on this blog.

NOTE: Many people have asked how they can get a copy of the seminar notebook referenced in this verbal presentation. Summit members can pick up a copy of the notebook in the church office. For those outside the Summit family, you can request a copy from Amy LaBarr (alabarr@summitrdu.com), office administrator over counseling.

MarriageEquip(Part5) from Equip on Vimeo.

Worksheet One: Job Description — Husband

Memorize: Ephesians 5:25-27 (ESV), “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:

• “Husbands” – This is a voluntary role which, once assumed, removes the choice to live covenant-free.
• “As Christ Loved (A.C.L.)” – A rupture to the A.C.L. commitment of a husband is devastating to marriage.
• “Sanctify Her” – Your first goal in marriage is to facilitate your wife becoming what God intended her to be.
• “Present… in Splendor” – Your second goal in marriage is to celebrate and affirm what God does with your wife.
• “To Himself” – Your third goal in marriage is to learn to personally delight and enjoy your godly wife.

 Teaching Notes

“While the principle is clear – that the husband is to be the servant-leader and have ultimate responsibility and authority in the family – the Bible gives almost no details about how that is expressed in concrete behavior (p. 185)… What does this mean for us? It means that rigid culture gender roles have no Biblical warrant. Christians cannot make a scriptural case for masculine and feminine stereotypes… We must find ways to honor and express our gender roles, but the Bible allows for freedom in the particulars, while still upholding the obligatory nature of the principle (p. 186). ” Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage

“The Bible does not permit men to be uninvolved, disinterested, intentionally deaf, or selfishly blind. Headship requires the husband actively (and graciously) to work for the physical and spiritual well-being of each person in the family. A husband’s passivity can lead to cycles of abuse. A common pattern in abusive marriages is long periods of male passivity interspersed with brief episodes of rage (p. 31)… Too often Christians try to summarize male headship in the home by simply saying the husband has ‘the last word’ or is the final authority in decision making. Be glad this abbreviation of responsibilities is not found in the phrases of Scripture because it can cause great damage (p. 69)… Biblical headship shifts the focus of husbanding from taking charge to taking responsibility. Being a godly husband is not so much asserting one’s will as submitting one’s prerogative to the good of another (p. 70).” Bryan Chappell in Each for the Other

“For most of Western history, the primary and most valued characteristic of manhood was self-mastery… A man who indulged in excessive eating, drinking, sleeping, or sex—who failed to ‘rule himself’—was considered unfit to rule his household.” Sara Lipton in “Those Manly Men of Yore” in New York Times (June 17, 2011).

“The reason I am using the title “Lionhearted and Lamblike” to refer to the Christian husband as head of his wife is because the husband is called to lead like Jesus who is the Lion of Judah (Rev. 5:5) and the Lamb of God (Rev. 5:6)—he was lionhearted and lamblike, strong and meek, tough and tender, aggressive and responsive, bold and broken-hearted. He sets the pattern for manhood (p. 74)… Leadership does not assume it is superior. It assumes it should take initiative (p. 89).” John Piper in This Momentary Marriage

This video segment is one of six presentations in the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations” seminar. There will be four more seminars in this series covering the subjects: communication, finances, decision making, and intimacy. As those presentations are ready they will be posted on this blog.

NOTE: Many people have asked how they can get a copy of the seminar notebook referenced in this verbal presentation. Summit members can pick up a copy of the notebook in the church office. For those outside the Summit family, you can request a copy from Amy LaBarr (alabarr@summitrdu.com), office administrator over counseling.

Part 4: Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations from Equip on Vimeo.

Section Three Resource: Marriage Evaluation_Character & Role Expectations
Worksheet One: Job Description — Husband
Worksheet Two: Job Description — Wife
Worksheet Three: Bible Reading Handout

Memorize: Ephesians 5:15-18, 21 (ESV), “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit… submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:

• “Look carefully”– The Christian life nor marriage are for lazy people who resist regularly examining their life.
• “Making the best use of the time” – As Paul prepares to teach on marriage, he reminds us of our use of time.
• “Do not be foolish” – Most of what wrecks a marriage is living foolishly (short-sighted, self-centered living).
• “Be filled with the Spirit” – When overwhelmed with your role, remember, it is the Holy Spirit who sustains you.
• “Submitting to one another” – Most of marriage is mutual submission to living out what is mutually agreed upon.

 Teaching Notes

“There is a conservative approach to marriage that puts a great deal of stress on traditional gender roles… There is a lot of emphasis on the differences between men and women. The problem is that an overemphasis could encourage selfishness, especially on the part of the husband (p. 66)… It is my experience that it is nearly impossible to come up with a single, detailed, and very specific set of ‘manly’ or ‘womanly’ characteristics that fits every temperament and culture (p. 200).” Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage

“Your identity as someone’s spouse is secondary to your identity as a servant of God (p. 83).” Winston Smith in Marriage Matters

“The example the husband sets has eternal consequences. This means headship is more about controlling one’s character than controlling one’s wife. The man who is more concerned with how his wife should obey him than with how he should obey God fails the kindergarten of biblical headship (p. 78).” Bryan Chappell in Each for the Other

“God is always worthy of being obeyed and served, so when I act out of obedience to him, the person who receives my service doesn’t have to be deserving—they’re benefiting from what I owe God (p. 188)… Service includes allowing your spouse to give—if, of course, they are willing to give. In other words, service isn’t just washing somebody else’s feet; at times it’s letting your own feet be washed (p. 190).” Gary Thomas in Sacred Marriage

“After declaring that there is mutual submission in verse 21, Paul devotes twelve verses to unfolding the difference in the way a husband and wife should serve each other. You don’t need to deny mutual submission to affirm the importance of the unique role of the husband as head and the unique calling of the wife to submit to that headship (p. 78).” John Piper in This Momentary Marriage

This video segment is one of six presentations in the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations” seminar. There will be four more seminars in this series covering the subjects: communication, finances, decision making, and intimacy. As those presentations are ready they will be posted on this blog.

NOTE: Many people have asked how they can get a copy of the seminar notebook referenced in this verbal presentation. Summit members can pick up a copy of the notebook in the church office. For those outside the Summit family, you can request a copy from Amy LaBarr (alabarr@summitrdu.com), office administrator over counseling.

Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations (part 3) from Equip on Vimeo.

Section Two Resource: Marriage Evaluation_We Identity & Leave and Cleave
Worksheet One: Jigsaw Marriage Excercise

Memorize: Matthew 19:4-6 (ESV), “[Jesus] answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:

• “From the beginning” – Marriage’s existence and design were not God’s plan B response to anything.
• “Leave… cleave” – Your response to the world around you, even family, is changed when you enter a marriage.
• “One flesh” – You’re sharing life when you marry. How you think about and administrate life should display this.
• “No longer two” – Jesus re-emphasizes the oneness of marriage to show how radically it transforms our identity.
• “God has joined” – Once you have made a covenant, God’s seal supersedes your choice in terms of importance.

 Teaching Notes

“How a man thinks about marriage will certainly affect his perspective of his role, his wife’s role, and the relationships itself (p. 60).” Stuart Scott in The Exemplary Husband

“Society still considers the parent-child relationship to be a covenantal one, not a consumer relationship (p. 81).” Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage

“You must individually receive your spouse as God’s provision… You must accept His gift. Receiving your spouse demonstrates your faith in God’s integrity. Adam’s focus was on God’s flawless character, not Eve’s performance. He knew God, and he knew that God could be trusted (p. 87)… In the 100/100 plan, there is no talk of ‘meeting each other halfway.’ You are both willing to do anything it takes to make the marriage work (p. 94).” Dennis Rainey (editor) in Preparing for Marriage

“What most divorces mean is that at least one party, and possibly both, have ceased to put the gospel first in their lives (p. 35).” Gary Thomas in Sacred Marriage

This video segment is one of six presentations in the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations” seminar. There will be four more seminars in this series covering the subjects: communication, finances, decision making, and intimacy. As those presentations are ready they will be posted on this blog.

NOTE: Many people have asked how they can get a copy of the seminar notebook referenced in this verbal presentation. Summit members can pick up a copy of the notebook in the church office. For those outside the Summit family, you can request a copy from Amy LaBarr (alabarr@summitrdu.com), office administrator over counseling.

MarriageEquip(Part2) from Equip on Vimeo.

Worksheet One: Marriage Story_Birth to Wedding
Sample Worksheet One: Marriage Story_Birth to Wedding_SAMPLE
Worksheet Two: Marriage Story_ Present or Future
Worksheet Three: Non-Moral Differences

Memorize: Ephesians 5:28-30 (ESV), “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.’” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:

• “In the same way” – We’re to present our spouse to God spotless and holy as Christ does the church (Eph 5:27).
• “As their own bodies” – What we’d do for our self should be the minimum we’re willing to do for our spouse.
• “Loves his wife love himself” – We best love ourselves by loving our spouse; creating a home marked by peace.
• “Nourishes and cherishes” – We’re to be excellent (willing, skillful, and frequent) at what builds up our spouse.
• “As Christ does” – We can only love our spouse this way because of God’s love for us (I John 4:10-11, 19).

 Teaching Notes

“We are not to live for one another, but live beside one another for the Lord. Our lives are not meant to revolve around one another, but they are meant to revolve together around Jesus Christ (p. 141).” John Henderson in Catching Foxes

“One of the riskiest, but most rewarding benefits of a marriage relationship is the exhilarating experience of knowing and being known, of revealing and having another person reveal himself or herself to you (p. 19)… If the person who knows you best also loves you most, your marriage will be truly special (p. 88).” Dennis Rainey (editor) in Preparing for Marriage

“The Christian teaching does not offer a choice between fulfillment and sacrifice but rather mutual fulfillment through mutual sacrifice… So, what do you need to make marriage work? You need to know the secret, the gospel, and how it gives you both the power and pattern for your marriage (p. 47)… Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, ‘I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!’ (p. 121)” Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage

“Surely God could have made it ‘good’ on the first attempt. Pay close attention: God is creating drama to underscore something important about marriage (p. 59).” Winston Smith in Marriage Matters

“Marital dissatisfaction is best met with prayer, ‘That is why I need you, O God’ (p. 237).” Gary Thomas in Sacred Marriage

“It is not your husband or wife’s choices that you are rejecting, but God’s… It is God who formed your spouse with his or her natural gifts and personality, and after he did, he stood back and declared your spouse ‘good.’ It is hurtful to your spouse when you disrespect her for things she did not choose or reject her for things she cannot change. Every difference is an opportunity to celebrate God’s creative artistry (p. 211).” Paul Tripp in What Did You Expect?