All posts tagged Counseling

Leveraging Your Professional Workplace

God has placed you in your workplace for a reason — to be salt and light to those you serve and your colleagues. The role of the church is to equip you to leverage your skills and relationships to make the gospel known as you care for people.

This is why The Summit Church was excited to launch Bridgehaven Counseling Associates as an independent non-profit ministry to catalyze more opportunities for Christian professionals in Raleigh-Durham to be more missional in their workplace. This six minute video explains how that can be done by answering three question:

  1. What is Bridgehaven and what is the Summit counseling ministry?
  2. Who does Bridgehaven serve and what services do they provide?
  3. What does it mean to partner with Bridgehaven in a “missional” way?

bridgehaven from Equip on Vimeo.

If you would like to more information about Bridgehaven Counseling Associate or Summit counseling here are the links to those ministries.

If you would like to receive free promotional flyers and posters for Bridgehaven events to leverage your workplace for Christian influence, please contact Neale Davis (ndavis@bridgehavencounseling.org; Executive Director of Bridgehaven) with the following information.

  • Your Name
  • Mailing Address
  • Number of Flyers (postcard size)
  • Number of Posters (letter size)

Our prayer is that these ministry efforts can (1) allow Christian professionals across RDU to leverage their workplace for gospel influence, and (2) equip churches across RDU with both excellent counseling resources and a referral source they can trust as they utilize those resources.

Four Video Projects from 2012

One of the blessings of serving at a large church that allows me to focus my attention on developing a robust counseling ministry is the opportunity to create resources that can be duplicated in our church plants and churches across the country/world.

This year we were able to create three programmatic seminars and capture our counseling vision in video format.

The Summit Counseling Vision

This one hour presentation overviews (1) the challenges and opportunities facing The Summit counseling ministry; (2) the pieces of the summit counseling ministry and how they work together; and (3) explains the implications of our counseling model for individual counseling ministries.

False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery

“False Love” contains three hours of presentation divided into a nine step model of overcoming sexual sin. Sexual sin is examined from private lust to adultery in marriage. This seminar is most effective when studies with a friend our small group.

True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin

“True Betrayal” contains three hours of presentation divided into a nine step model of responding to the suffering created by a spouse’s sexual sin. Practical guidance is provided for this difficult and often isolating journey. This seminar is most effective when studies with a friend our small group.

Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Foundations

Why is marriage hard? Why do so many marriages that begin in sincere love end in divorce? What are the essential things a couple should focus on to have a marriage that flourishes? What is a covenant and why is marriage a covenant? Why do we have a marriage ceremony? What are the roles for a Christian husband and wife? What if I don’t “fit” or like the masculine-feminine stereotypes or don’t have the personality to match a “traditional” husband/wife?

In the next year I would appreciate your prayers as we aim to complete the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage” seminar series by addressing the subjects of communication, finances, decision making, and intimacy. Keep your eye out for those resources as they are developed.

How to Use Counseling EQUIP Seminars

There is a story of two ladies fighting over an orange. One lady wanted the juice for her recipe. The other needed the zest for a different recipe. Until they talked they didn’t realize they could both have the orange. Usually this story is told to teach win-win conflict resolution principles, but here I want to point out that Summit’s counseling EQUIP seminars are a lot like the orange – they have many uses and you need to know what they are.

If you do not see the various uses of these seminars, then the opportunity for these events to impact in your life and your circle of influence will be truncated. I want to talk about three uses of these seminars and give a few examples of each.

1. To care for a given area of life struggle with gospel-centered hope. The “audience” of each seminar is the one struggling more than the care giver. Each seminar is designed to take you on a journey from rightly assessing and understanding the struggle to the solutions and hope found only in God. At each seminar you will leave with…

  • … an overview of how to approach the subject matter,
  • … the tools necessary to review and implement what you’ve learned,
  • … materials that can be utilized to the relational resources of your small group, and
  • … an awareness of the formal counseling ministries hosted or launched by Summit.

2. To equip our people to care for others with gospel centered hope. A plumb line of Summit counseling is that “we don’t do events; we create resources.” Every seminar is designed to facilitate the one another care of God’s people (Gal 6:2). In order to achieve this goal we make sure that every seminar…

  •  … is video recorded so that lay people do not have to be the “lead teacher” in the helping relationship,
  • … has a mentoring manual to guide important questions, and
  • … has assessments to let mentors know when more formal or experienced care is needed.

We believe this design gives the dual advantage of empowering God’s people to care for one another while also offering the confidence that comes with additional levels of care when needed. Because of this design, the “real relationships” (friendships, co-workers, small groups) can be maintained and work in cooperation with the more experienced levels of care. This is vital for the longevity of change.

Note: We want these seminars to enhance the quality of every local outreach effort of The Summit Church. A common fear of ministry is, “What if someone asks…?” The goal of the counseling ministry is to ease this fear so that our people are more free to get to know those who are hurting and love them in the name of Jesus.

3. To serve as a front door ministry of our church. People are in search of answers to life’s struggles. We believe a robust seminar ministry designed to operate within real relationships will be an incredibly effective way of taking the gospel to the heart issues of people all over our city.

People seek help from friends and family members before seeking professionals. Counseling (broadly defined as seeking to offer hope and direction through relationship) happens all the time. We talk with friends over the phone, crying children in their rooms, spouses in the kitchen, fellow church members at small group, and have endless conversations with ourselves. We listen to struggles, seek to understand, offer perspective, give advice, and follow up later.

We want the counseling EQUIP seminars to facilitate more of these interactions and allow these conversations to more naturally lead from the depths of life struggles to the hope of the gospel. Here are ways that you place yourself in a position to be used by God in this way.

  • Attend each seminar so that you have a framework for how life struggles connect with the gospel.
  • Get to know your friends well enough that they will confide their struggles to you.
  • Invite friends to the seminars with you or use the video resources (great testimony video).
  • Post flyers and posters in your work place (waiting room, point of sale, or break room). To be added to our mailing list for free posters and flyers e-mail your name, address, and number of desired poster/flyers to Bridgehaven Counseling Associates.

On Counseling and Comedy

I’ve never been mistaken for a comedian. I like humor and I try to be funny, but that’s just it… I try. Most of my jokes are very dry and when people eventually get them they moan more than laugh. All of that to say, I am venturing off of my “home turf” with this analogy.

I believe there is a common mistake that is made by both young comedians and young counselors – they jump to the point / punch line too quickly.

Think about it. It’s your first night on stage and the only reason you’ve been given a microphone is to make people laugh. There is an intense sense of felt-need to say something funny. Every second you spend building the story of your joke is another moment your confidence fades. You can tell that everyone in the room can sense how uncomfortable you are.

The rescue plan seems simple – fast forward to the punch line. But the timing is off and the people are just ready enough to know that what you said was supposed to be funny. There is a slight chuckle, but not enough to bring life back to the room or confidence to your routine. Now when you back up and try to come at the joke again it is less funny because the surprise element is lost.

Counseling is not that different. You’re sitting down with a stranger whose only reason to come see you is for relief and direction. There is an intense sense of felt-need to say something profound, or at least helpful. As you listen you are searching for something biblical to say. It is obvious you are searching instead of listening and the discomfort becomes contagious.

The rescue plan seems simple – fast forward to a truth statement. But the counselee is not ready and relevant truth comes off as cliché and canned. There is a sense that God’s Word could be useful, but there is not enough trust or awareness to carry the weight of God’s Word where it needs to go. Counseling continues, but each subsequent “answer” still feels more generic than cutting to the heart.

In light of this reflection read Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

The same word could have been un-fitly spoken and its value would be much less; not because it would be less true, but because its impact would be greatly reduced.

This is why no counseling approach, including biblical counseling, will ever be a recipe. We cannot create an equation that says, “This problem requires these truths in this order.”

So what is the take away? We are not just trying to discern what to say in counseling. We are trying to discern when to say it and how to best prepare an individual to receive the truth that would comfort their suffering, give direction to their confusion, reveal their sin, reinforce their perseverance, etc…

This requires patience on the part of the counselor. This patience requires a belief in the power of incarnational living to accompany a belief in the power of Scripture. The Bible ties the effectiveness of Jesus’ ministry in large part to His ability to relate to who we are (John 1:14; Hebrews 4:14-16). The Bible also speaks of Jesus coming “in the fullness of time” (Gal 4:4; Eph 1:10).

As we seek to counsel, let us mirror these attributes of the One we are seeking to represent. Let us take the time to get to know the world of our counselees, even if this creates an awkward time of uncertainty about what direction counseling will take. As we enter their world, let us be as concerned with the counselee’s preparedness to receive God’s truth as we are with our faithfulness to deliver it.

Ultimately, we are not trying to be funny or liked. But we know that we use an instrument that is sharper than any other (Heb 4:12-13), so we take our time in the conversational environment of counseling to seek to be sure that the powerful words we speak are “fitly spoken” and, thereby, have their full value / effect.

C.S. Lewis Says, “Good Advice Is Over-Rated”

A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

“We never have followed the advice of the great teachers. Why are we likely to begin now? Why are we more likely to follow Christ than any of the others? Because He is the best moral teacher? But that makes it even less likely that we shall follow Him. If we cannot take the elementary lessons, is it likely we are going to take the most advanced ones? If Christianity only means one more bit of good advice, then Christianity is of no importance. There has been no lack of good advice for the last four thousand years. A bit more will make no difference. (p. 156).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

As a counselor, one whose livelihood and profession is based upon giving good advice, I am not offended by this quote. Day in and day out I see its truth.

Sometimes people come wanting the counselor to give “deep” insight and advice to a problem rooted in the “elementary lessons” of functionality. They haven’t applied the basics of “love your neighbor as yourself” but they are asking for the “keys to marital communication.”

Other people come exhausted from all the great books, even the Bible, they’ve read hoping to find an “answer” to their struggle. But they have yet to find the principle that unlocks life for them. Now they just want to cynically hear a counselor tell them everything they’ve read so they can say, “Yeah, I tried that too and it didn’t work.”

When counseling does “work” it usually isn’t because of some moment of brilliance. When the light bulb comes on it’s rarely as bright as people expect. Most often the profound part of counseling is sorting through life’s mess more than finding a workable solution.

There is a reason for this that Lewis is driving at – people are more broken and bent than they are confused and misguided. Yes, Jesus was the Light of the world but He had to give us eyes to see before His illumination would do any good. And, Jesus was the Word made flesh but He had to give us ears to hear before we would receive His proclamation.

Giving good advice assumes that the human dilemma is an information or skill deficiency. We can testify that even when we know the right thing to do and could do it, we resist. We see North and still run South. We see light and run back to darkness.

There is something inside us that rebels against whatever “good advice” we already have. The better the advice, the more our souls withdraw.

This is exactly why Christianity is not an advice-giving religion. Christianity believes that we must be made whole and clean before we can be made sane and nice. Jesus did not come to give us advice, but to give us Himself in our place.

Jesus did not come to teach us what we must do, but why He must do what He did – take our sin and brokenness upon Himself at the cross. If we understood why He must do what He did we would have the beginning of wisdom. We would begin to die to self rather than seek self-help.

This is where wisdom begins, because we allow Jesus to remove the wisdom-repellant (sin) from our soul by washing it away in His blood. At that moment we are able to receive the profound wisdom of Scripture. But it is not the mere wisdom itself that changes our lives; it is Jesus who gave us ears to hear by changing our hearts.

Video: Summit Counseling Ministry — Vision, Challenges, & Pieces

The following presentation was given at the EQUIP Leadership Forum of the Summit Church (Durham, NC). The purpose of this talk was the present the exciting opportunities and unique challenges involved with trying to offer a comprehensive counseling ministry. This talk is divided into three sections:

1. The Unique Opportunities and Challenges of Summit’s Counseling Ministry

2. How the Pieces of the Summit’s Counseling Ministry Are Designed to Fuel One Another

3. What This All Means for Individual Ministries within the Summit’s Counseling Ministry

Equip Leadership Forum – Pt2 from The Summit Church on Vimeo.

PRESENTATION NOTES: Here is a PDF copy of the notes that were made available to those in attendance: ELF Talk #1 — Counseling Vision & Pieces

 

At the Corner of Small Groups and Counseling

This post was originally posted the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog “Grace & Truth.” It is a part of their current two week series on how local churches interface their small group and counseling ministries.

Where do small groups and counseling intersect at The Summit Church (www.summitrdu.com)? We are exploring the possibilities of this question with great intentionality, creativity, and passion. At The Summit we divide our ministries into “teams” and counseling is on the small group team, so we want them to intersect frequently, dynamically, practically, and organically.

In fact, we consider one of the most important roles of the Pastor of Counseling to be equipping small group leaders and members to effectively care for one another in the body of Christ. We will unpack how we are striving to accomplish this objective below.

Structuring to Match the Strategy

Before going further on the interaction between small groups and counseling, it should be noted that small groups are the hub of ministry at The Summit Church. By that we mean we strategically organize our church so that people flow into one main place, a small group, where they are then mobilized to go out and do ministry. The small group becomes the hub where we care for one another and together minister to our surrounding community. This is the strategy we’ve chosen for creating a clear “next step” for the marginally connected to move into active participation in the life of the church.

Putting such an emphasis on small groups puts an equally significant weight on how we structure for the development, support, and equipping of these groups. Central to the competency of a small group leader is his or her ability to lovingly guide others through the ebbs and flows of life on the foundation of the Scriptures. In that sense, the bulk of our counseling happens in these groups (we call such care “one-anothering” care for reasons explained below). Thus small groups become care communities and so merging the small groups and counseling staff teams is nothing more than a reflection of what is happening in the congregation.

The blending of these ministries has mainstreamed the influence of our counseling team and brought their expertise into the living rooms of The Summit Church. We are grateful to God for this and believe the greatest results are yet to come.

The rest of this post will discuss the relationship between small groups and counseling with the acknowledgement that our small groups intersect with many other ministries of the church.

What Does It Look Like?

Our attempt to make this connection begins with defining four levels of one-on-one ministry of the Word within our church: counseling, shepherding, mentoring, and one-anothering. These progress from the most formal interaction with a highly trained individual to the most informal “doing life together relationships.”

Our desire is that all four levels of care contain the same gospel-centered, change-happens-in-community DNA with varying degrees of expertise, confidentiality, and availability. The counseling ministry seeks to reinforce and unpack this DNA at all four levels through our seminar ministry.

We offer seminars on various subjects. Each seminar is made available in brief video segments and comes with a manual for group study or personal mentoring. The last two have been “Overcoming Anger” and “Taking the Journey of Grief with Hope.” These seminars are designed for several purposes.

  • One-Anothering – To train our small group leaders to care for their members.
  • One-Anothering – To become a curriculum that small groups can study together.
  • One Anothering – To provide tools for small groups to care for one another.
  • Mentoring – To launch short-term, mentor-level, lay-led support groups (we call them Freedom Groups) that transition graduates into our small group ministry.
  • Shepherding – To provide our pastors with quality, subject-based resources that allow them to shepherd individuals with greater confidence and naturally funnels the counseling case into the small group ministry of the church.
  • Counseling – [This phase is currently in development.] To provide a structured material for our graduate counseling interns from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary to gain experience and provide additional face-to-face counseling hours for our church and community.

From that overview, it should be obvious that everything the counseling ministry does is designed to equip our small group leaders and create a path for counselees (even if they begin with a mentor, shepherd, or counselor) to become active members of a small group. Without small groups our counseling ministry would have to try to replace the church through a therapeutic relationship or release people back into the isolation that allowed their struggle to fester to a life-dominating level. With small groups our counseling ministry can help people through a given life crisis and direct them to a community that fosters healthy relationships and a godly purpose.

Equipping the saints

By embedding the counseling ministry on the small group’s team and channeling the resources we develop towards small group life, we are developing an atmosphere of equipped leaders who understand the resources within their church to help with someone’s struggle when it is more than they feel prepared to handle.

As usual, the overview is much neater than the reality. We are still learning a great deal about how to coordinate these various pieces. Our current collaborative effort between small groups and counseling has developed in the last year (more precisely 10 months). But we are excited about initial fruit we are seeing and the confidence we see growing in our people to care for one another and to use counseling to reach their community (which because of the design puts these unchurched friends on a direct course to small group involvement).

Summit Counseling Training (Night One Videos)

“Eyes” of the Counseling Ministry – The presentation will cover two subjects. (1) The core values of the counseling ministry: Bible-based, Gospel-centered, differentiating sin and suffering, not one-size-fits-all, embedded within the church, and transitioning into the general small group ministry. Leaders need to understand how these values are embedded throughout the counseling materials. (2) How to avoid a struggle-based identity when using a struggle-specific curriculum.

“Our deepest problem is that we seek to find our identity outside the story of redemption (p. 27)… In fact, the longer we struggle with a problem, the more likely we are to define ourselves by that problem (divorced, addicted, depressed, co-dependent, ADD). We come to believe that our problem is who we are. But while these labels may describe particular ways we struggle as sinners [or sufferers] in a fallen world, they are not our identity! If we allow them to define us, we will live trapped within their boundaries. This is no way for a child of God to live (p. 260)!” Paul Tripp in Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hand

 

Session 1.
“What Is a Freedom Group?”
Purpose and Vision of Freedom Groups

Freedom Groups Training – Session 1 from The Summit Church on Vimeo.

 

Session 2
“What a Freedom Group is Not”
How to Avoid a Struggle-Based Identity

Freedom Groups Training – Session 2 from The Summit Church on Vimeo.

Handout for Night One, Session Two: WHO I AM IN CHRIST_KELLEMEN

The Therapeutic Benefit of Community

Millard Erickson makes an important point when he says, “The church is one of the few aspects of Christian theology that can be observed (p. 1036 in Christian Theology).” If his statement is true, then the place where theology should have its most tangible impact is in the community of people who strive to live in its truth.

Secular researcher Barry Duncan in his quest to determine what makes counseling effective found that 40% of what determines whether counseling will be effective is the quality of relational resources an individual has outside counseling (in The Heart and Soul of  Change).

Too often we only ask the question, “What does the profession of counseling have to offer to the church?” In light of this research, I believe the question, “What does the community of the church have to offer to counseling?” is at least equally valid.

In my counseling, I will frequently ask people, “Who do you have that you can talk to about this struggle? Who are you honest with and don’t have to pretend like everything is okay? Who asks you ‘how are you doing?’ and really wants to know the answer? When do you meet with another person(s) just to discuss how life is going and encourage one another?”

Most often the answer are no one and never. But it is being able to answer this question that accounts for 40% of the success rate in overcoming a life struggle. Notice that counseling will never be able to provide this kind of resource. Even in an ongoing support group you are forever defined by your struggle even as you seek to overcome it.

But the church (when operating as God designed – a living community) is precisely this kind of resource. This becomes even more profound when you consider the second largest variable in success: the level of trust between the counselor and counselee. This accounted for 30% of the success rate.

This means (by secular standards) that if the church operates as the community God designed and its members demonstrate the desire/ability to understand one another in a way that builds trust, the relationships within the church have achieved 70% of what is necessary for a successful helping relationship.

To this point we have not broached the subject of Scripture’s ability to provide a superior theory of counseling. We have only been considering the incredible benefits of living in community as God designed even in life’s toughest moments.

I want to be careful not to imply in this blog that formal counseling training is of no value. I am immensely grateful for the education and counseling experience I have received. I believe it does play an important role in understanding people’s struggles.

But my point here simply this: the church is the kind of community counseling would try to create if it thought such a therapeutically powerful reality could exist. My role as Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church is not to try to solve the church’s problems with counseling knowledge. My role is to encourage the saints that with a biblical equipping to love and understand people that they live in a community designed to transform lives in a way no professional structure can (Eph.4:11-16).

What is the take away? Going to counseling without being meaningfully involved in a church and small group is like going to the dentist when you refuse to brush your teeth each night after eating chocolate covered caramels. In light of this, reflect on Proverbs 18:1, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desires;  he breaks out against all sound judgment.” Are you in a small group?

Liar, Lunatic, or Lord

A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

 “A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic—on level with the man who says he is a poached egg—or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse… But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to. (p. 52).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

This has to be one (among so many) of the greatest C.S. Lewis quotes. Blogging on this quote is like preaching on John 3:16. You begin to wonder, “What is left to be said?”

But I will begin by holding my own guild (Christian counseling) responsible for another modern revisiting of these concepts. I believe Christian counseling, as much as any other segment of Christendom, is tempted to reduce Jesus to merely a “great moral teacher.”

If we are not careful we will reduce counseling to “giving good advice,” and then reduce Jesus to the “ultimate good advice giver” whom we try to model. Even as I’m typing these words, (at one level) it doesn’t sound that bad to me. After all, I want my counsel to sound like something Jesus would say when helping someone in a similar situation.

However, I also believe that approach is very dangerous to the personal faith of the counselor and the counselee. The more I allow myself to read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John through those lenses, the more I begin to read the Bible like I would read other books (just elevating it as “superior in content, breadth, or timelessness”).

“What is wrong with that?” you might ask. The problem is that I would be neglecting the authority of Scripture implied by the word, “Lord.” Jesus does not give good advice. Jesus teaches the way of life and deviation from that way is inevitable death, pain, suffering, and misery.

My advice as a counselor is not like the teaching (“teaching” here used as a stronger word than “advice”) of Jesus.  If my counsel is of any value, it is merely a modern application of what “the way of life” looks like in an individual’s circumstance.

I strive to model that same humble, compassionate character of Jesus so that my presence and presentation do not distort or make unappealing the content of Jesus’ teaching. But again, the imitation is out of reverence for the exclusive “way of life” that is being presented.

With that being said, I ask you, “How do you read the Bible? Do you read it like you read other books? How do the questions you are asking (of yourself and the text) change when you read the Bible and other books?”

I would also ask you, “How do you present the Bible to others when you reference it in conversation? How do you honor it’s authority while modeling the character of the ‘Word made flesh?’”

 
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