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Hambrick Family Christmas Letter 2012

by brad on December 24, 2012 in Personal Entry with No comments

Dear Friends,

Seems like I was just writing the 2011 version of this letter. But while the time has passed quickly, much has happened to update our friends and family about.  This was our first full year settled in our new house. After not decorating for Christmas in 2010 because of our holiday move, the boys responded to our Christmas decorations like they’d never seen them. It was almost enough to make me look forward to all of the work of putting them out this year #bahumbug.

Marshall has started kindergarten and absolutely loves it. Our formerly “silent child” chatters up a storm and is excited about getting to do homework every night. I thought that would have wore off by now, but I’m not complaining. We took a “right of passage” trip in August to make starting school feel more special (story and pictures at link). By his request we climbed a mountain and then walked under the ocean.

Lawson is growing in his love for sports and adventure. We went to Disney this summer and he caught the roller coaster bug. I think we will be taking several trips to amusement parks in the coming years. Our coach-pitch baseball team this Fall was a perfect 9-0, and Lawson is already talking about the Spring season. To help the boys bond with our new city, we’ve started an expedition of visiting all the chili cheese dogs joints in RDU (story and pictures at link).

Sallie couldn’t stand having free time with Marshall in school so she has started substitute teaching at the boys school, created a small “design on a dime” decorating business, and launched a small group for single young professional women at our church. She has painted every room in our home since we moved in last June (badly needed since it was a highly distressed seller house).

Brad has had no problem staying busy between his role at Summit (www.summitrdu.com) and Southeastern (www.sebts.edu). His first two booklets were published this year and he has three more publications coming out this year (www.bradhambrick.com/publications) including being a featured counselor in the new DivorceCare product line. Brad is creating a series of marriage seminars for our church “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage” (posted at link).

Over the next year we would appreciate your prayers that we will (1) fully enjoy this sweet season when our boys are young and lay a good foundation for their future, (2) prioritize marriage and family during a very busy season of life and ministry, and (3) grow in our trust in God’s character and effectiveness at sharing His hope with others.

We want to thank you for your friendship and the unique role you have played in the life our family. Our prayer is that this Christmas you will experience the power, peace, and joy of Immanuel – God with us (Matthew 1:23) – and have opportunity to multiply the experience of that hope by sharing it with others.

Merry Christmas!
The Hambrick Family

P.S. For an idea of how to teach your children the real meaning of Christmas, check out this article.

Three Letters I Write Every Year

by brad on November 9, 2012 in Personal Entry with 2 Comments

Each year I write my wife at least three letters – birthday, anniversary, and Valentines. While this is a sweet gift for my wife, I have the personal benefits to an unexpected bonus. I would say that there are several ways that these letters help me to enjoy our marriage more and be a better husband.

First, these letters force me to reflect on where we’ve been in the last 3-4 months. Life is busy. It is easy for me to focus on “next” so much that I miss great years of life that are passing by. If I don’t regularly pause and regularly ask, “What are the great things that have happened recently?,” then I’m going to be an old man (if God allows) with many regrets. Worse, my wife is likely to grow weary because I failed to encourage her as God called me, as her husband, to do.

Second, these letters are an occasion to anticipate new seasons or challenges ahead. It is easy for men to plan goals and anticipate the future for every area of their life except their homes. I don’t want to be guilty of being more excellent at things outside my home than I am inside my home. If I am going to avoid this, I need to look at the new seasons in our marriage. In the last couple of letters these thoughts have been anticipating the kinds of dreams and opportunities my wife would pursue when our youngest child entered school.

Third, these letters give me an occasion to focus my prayers for the coming months. I try to include things that I am praying for my wife. These letters don’t follow an outline, so this is often weaved within the letter rather than its own section. But it is helpful for me to avoid stale, repetitive prayers if I take time while I’m reflecting on our past 6 months and next 6 months to ask, “What new things do I need to be praying for me wife?”

Fourth, these letters are an opportunity to highlight growth or new aspects of my wife’s character I’ve seen emerge. My wife is not the same woman I married almost 13 years ago (nor am I the same man). God is growing us both. I get the privilege of having a front row seat of how God is shaping my wife. This is a blessing that comes with a responsibility – if I do not affirm many of these changes, then there is no one else who is in a position to praise God or encourage my wife for them. It is my unique responsibility as a husband to praise and cultivate every aspect of God’s grace in the life of my wife.

Fifth, these letters remind me of the things I need to be echoing in my day-to-day conversation. The best thing special disciplines can do is reinforce healthy daily habits. We fast, not to “scream” prayers at God, but to reinforce that prayer, even more than food, is a daily necessity. These letters are usually one page and take about an hour to write, but an hour of asking good questions about my wife and marriage produces a harvest of compliments and conversations. Usually by the time the next letter comes around I can tell I have slacked off a bit because of distraction and lazy thinking.

Whether you choose to write three letters a year or not, I would recommend regularly thinking about and discussing the following questions with your spouse.

  1. Where have we been in the last 6 months?
  2. What is coming up in the next 6 months?
  3. What do I need to be praying for my spouse?
  4. What is God doing in the life of my spouse?
  5. How can I incorporate these things in daily life / conversation?

Why We Do “Chili Cheese Dog Adventures”

by brad on October 12, 2012 in Personal Entry with 5 Comments

We moved to Raleigh-Durham in January of 2011. Two years prior we had moved from one side of Augusta, GA to the other (we weren’t expecting to relocate from our ministry position there). The result would be that my then seven and four year old boys would live in four homes and two cities in the course of three years.

Other than our outdoor-loving child being depressed by a cramped apartment in winter, the boys adapted well. Their school performance remained constant, there were not significant regressions in their developmental markers, and they continued to bond decently well with friends.

But I noticed that they talked about moving frequently. Their expectation was that we would move annually. That was now normal to them. They daydreamed about where they wanted to live next and why. They compared what they knew (Georgia) with what they didn’t know (North Carolina).

As parents, my wife and I realized that we needed to help our boys plant roots in Raleigh-Durham. As far as we can know, God’s will is that this will be “home” for them. But their life experience didn’t confirm this reality. We believed this was an important part of their discipleship because it was an important part of their sense of identity – where are you from?

The problem was its hard to do a Bible study at an early-elementary level on a “theology of place” as it relates to your personal identity. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I want to tackle that subject at the graduate level.

But living missionally is largely contingent upon having a sense of belonging to the place that you live. I don’t know many effective missionaries or pastors who do not have a deep sense of belonging to the place they live.

So what did we do? We brainstormed a way to help our boys bond with our city. What was our answer? Chili cheese dog adventures. My oldest son loves them and my youngest son idolizes his brother. So we pitched the idea and they loved it.

From there it was simple. We did an on-line search for all the hotdog joints in RDU. Now whenever we have a free afternoon, we hit one (pictures available on Facebook). Now my boys frequently ask, “Papa, when can we go on another chili cheese dog adventure?” It makes for great conversations.

My hope for these adventures would be:

  1. My boys bond with our city and begin to feel at home in a new place.
  2. My relationship with my boys is strengthened as we have another set of memories together.
  3. My boys will have a positive experience of their family following God’s lead.

What is the take away from this blog? It’s not that every father should take his children on a highly unhealthy food adventure. The point is that discipleship is rooted in relationship. In this case, my boys were beginning to see every relationship except our core family as transient. We could also hear hints of the belief that following God creates more loss than gain.

In this case, I believe the best way to disciple my boys was with something like our “Chili Cheese Dog Adventures.” They weren’t having an intellectual struggle. They were having an emotional-relational struggle. Until I helped them bond with this city, little that I shared about following God’s lead to RDU would impact them in a positive way.

So the take away questions would be – What are the challenges that your children are facing? What are the best ways to set up the truths they need to learn about who God is and how they should live to glorify Him? Be creative and remember that discipleship is rooted in relationship, so develop your relationship with them in a way that prepares the way for your discipleship efforts.

Special Trip III: Preparing My Youngest Son for Kindergarten

by brad on August 22, 2012 in Personal Entry with 2 Comments

One of the things I have found most satisfying as a parent is defining special occasions and major lessons with a memorable trip. In previous posts I have discussed the kindergarten right of passage trip I took with my first son and a trip we took when he was especially discouraged at school. This post is about the kindergarten right of passage trip I recently took with my youngest son (pictures on Facebook).

With each trip I am learning things I would do differently. But the memories and value of each trip far outweigh the changes. Our schedule for this trip was to leave early Friday morning and get a cinnamon roll breakfast (his favorite) before going to the Tweetsie Railroad amusement park (he loves trains).

When asked what he wanted to do on his special trip, he immediately said, “Climb a mountain.” So Friday night we stayed at Ridgecrest Retreat Center and climbed a mountain. Saturday we drove to Atlanta to catch a Braves game that evening. On the final day we went to the Georgia Aquarium (he loves animals) and got steaks (his other favorite food) on our way home.

Here are my thoughts on the trip (some serious, some playful).

  • It was worth every minute of planning and dollar we invested in the trip. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, but I highly recommend this discipleship and bonding activity.
  • I believe my son knows that he is headed into a new season of life. As his father, I want to frame the significance of the moments instead of letting them slip by or be defined by someone else.
  • For a younger brother who adores his big brother (often using him as a security blanket), taking this kind of trip on his own was important for his sense of independence and confidence.
  • Tailoring the trip around your kid’s interest (trains, animals, and favorite foods) is a great way to remind them that you know them and enjoy them.
  • Keep the Bible study time simple. We mainly focused on Luke 2:40. I looked for several occasions to emphasize how Jesus grew in wisdom, strength, and favor with God. Several times I prayed over my son out loud asking for these things for him and that God would use him to change the world.
  • Setting my son up to succeed was a joy. I could tell going into the trip he feared his mouth had written a check (climbing a mountain) his feet couldn’t cash. Our “climb” was a ¾ mile walk up a paved, steep hill to a great view. When he got to the top, he felt like a champion.
  • Improv to build the memories. There were “Beware of Bears” flyers at the camp ground. Again, my son faced his fears to climb the mountain. Later we stopped at Bass Pro Shop to get his picture with a stuffed bear. We told Mama about the flyers after we got back down.
  • My son was so excited about having climbed a mountain that we had to do again in the morning before we left for Atlanta. He was thrilled to tell his brother and be the only kindergartner who had climbed a mountain. On the way up the second time he said, “Papa, I love you with the same love I love Mama with.” That was a gold standard promotion coming from a little boy who usually growls at anyone (including Mama) who says, “I love you,” to him.
  • Go out for late night ice cream. We’ve done this on each trip and the quality of conversation has been incredible. Kids tend to talk when they know they should be asleep.
  • Use gifts to cement the memories. A children’s pack of binoculars and compass made the outdoor adventure more real. I pray each time he plays with these he remembers our adventure.
  • Things you should say frequently on this kind of trip, “I love you… I enjoy being your Papa… These are memories I’ll never forget… I believe God will use you to change the world.”
  • Don’t tank as a parent when something goes badly. The baseball game was a complete dud. My son was bored and disinterested. All he wanted to do was to climb to the top of the stadium (still enamored with his mountain accomplishment) and explore the cheap seats.
  • Make sure you leave time for rest. If your child doesn’t get time to sleep because the schedule is too full, the end of the trip will likely go poorly.
  • Teaching him to eat cold pizza for breakfast was another fun way to reinforce that he is getting older.
  • Don’t compare. The experiences with my oldest and youngest son’s trips were very different. At times I could feel myself wanting to recreate what I enjoyed about the first one. That would have robbed this trip of its unique joys.
  • Review the trip together. On the way home we talked through our trip – activities, meals, conversations, and silly stories. It was a subtle way to reinforce the lessons I wanted to implant and help to cement this experience in his memory.

Note from Special Trip II: Six months after that trip, we were doing family worship and came to Matthew 5:13-16. I asked my oldest if he remembered that passage. Without hesitation he said, “That was what we talked about in the hot tub on our special trip when things were going bad at school.”

As a parent, that is what I want. I want my boys to remember the significant and challenging seasons of their lives were times when Papa was uniquely present and that the Bible spoke into those moments in special ways. When my son can connect those dots that clearly six months later, I become even more excited about these trips.

“You Sin Less than Anyone I Know”

by brad on July 20, 2012 in Personal Entry with 5 Comments

It was one of those “mystery pain” nights. My seven year old came down because his “side was hurting.” It conveniently began to be uncomfortable just after we turned out the lights for bed. But I was up for some late night chatter, so I offered to lie in the floor next to his bed until it felt better.

Sallie and I had been watching a movie about Alexander the Great when he came down stairs, so he asked me what it was about.  I explained that it was about a man who tried to and nearly succeeded in conquering the whole world.

He paused for a moment and said that is why he never wanted to be President; he was afraid having that much power would be too tempting for him. It was a sweet moment of realizing how deeply his young mind thought about life and how seriously (at least when he’s thinking) he takes his sin nature.

From there he rambled for a while about a cartoon where a main character was corrupted by power and the lessons he learned in first grade about the checks and balances in government. It was a delight and highly entertaining to lie in the floor and listen to his mind connect the dots between various sources of information he had been exposed to.

As a side note, I highly recommend the occasional late night hang out with your children. Whether we’re camping or waiting out a phantom side pain (I’m still not convinced), rarely do I leave without hearing a side of my boys’ hearts that I would not get during the day.

Somewhere in the midst of his chatter he said, “You know, Papa, you sin less than anyone I know,” and then went on to say why he agreed with me instead of something he heard at school.

That moment was very convicting to me. Earlier that evening we had tried to learn the game of Monopoly for the first time with the participation of my five year old son. Being the perfectionist that I am, I only know one way to play a game – “the right way.” Evidently my wife believes that the “author’s original intent” does not apply to the rule book of board games, so there was much for them to unlearn from their initial exposure to Monopoly with her the day before.

While both boys had fun, I cannot say that patience would be the word that best describes my “coaching” of the fundamentals of Monopoly. I would not volunteer the footage of that home movie as a how to video on family game night.

My son’s assessment of me made my “acceptable sharpness” look different to me. It showed me how much of a standard bearer I am for my sons. At this age (I know it will change), they assume almost everything I do is right and everything that bothers me is wrong. My “emotional climate” is their reality.

When they get bigger, one significant gauge for how much they will question their faith is how accurate my example was to the teaching of Scripture and how effectively my example can be followed in the real world. Hearing his sincere words about how he views me, makes me question how effective saying, “Only Jesus is perfect, so don’t base your faith on me,“ will be.

As he moves into adulthood he will be able to separate my example from Jesus, but in the formative years of pre-teen and teen-dom it seems likely that my example (as his father) will be his vision of Jesus. Until he can transition from the concrete example of his earthly father to the intangible God-as-Spirit and God-as-Word revealed in Scripture, I’m it.

That gave weight to something I have said many times, “We teach values more by our emotions than by our words.” So in that evening I confessed to my son that I had not even handled our Monopoly game well and that I’d been too impatient. I don’t think he believed me. In that moment God used him to teach me a truth I needed to learn from the innocent love of a child, “Love covers a multitude of sins (I Pet 4:8).”

Reflections on Our “Special Trip II”

by brad on November 2, 2011 in Personal Entry with 1 Comment

Since my boys have been old enough to talk, it has been an intention of mine to use special events to frame special conversations. I wrote about the first of these after taking my older on a “right of passage trip” before he entered kindergarten. He began calling it our “special trip” and the title stuck. We took our second “special trip” this weekend.

This trip was triggered by a life lesson more than a life event. In first grade, my oldest son is very discouraged by the unruliness of his classmates. As a collective punishment, he has missed recess, had silent lunch, and faced other negative consequences (a big deal to a social, people-pleasing, perfectionist seven year old). Many days after school he would tell me, “Papa, I’m mad… This isn’t fair… I’m sad.” We could see his vigor of life lessening.

At a parent-teacher conference, his teacher confirmed that he was behaving well and commented that his efforts to motivate his classmates to follow instructions were “exceptional” (proud parent has to add that). So Sallie and I realized it was a time to try to (a) encourage him and (b) teach him about the burden that can come with being a light in a dark place.

Hence, we planned “Special Trip II.” The itinerary was to attend our first college football game, go out for steaks (our four year old’s favorite good), stay at a hotel with an indoor pool, and go to a local farm for a day of fun (pictures available on Facebook). The purpose was to teach two lessons:

“Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.” I Peter 4:19

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

We had a great time at the football game. In the third quarter my extroverted, eldest son looked at me and said, “Papa, I feel like I know everyone here.” He had initiated many conversations. We got steaks on Applebee’s 2 for $20 menu and my youngest ate until his belly bulged. We went to the hotel and swam for an hour with the pool to ourselves before we relaxed in the hot tub.

That’s when I started the conversation about school. We both talked for a while and then I brought up I Peter 4. We both talked for a while longer then I brought up Matthew 5. Then we decided to play more in the pool. They chased me so much around the pool that my feet are still bruised as I type. My prayer and purpose was that he will remember that conversation because it was in a hot tub at a nice hotel. My prayer and observation is that he was able to receive it as words of encouragement rather than a “do better… get over it” talk because it was part of a rewards trip.

We went back up to the room and I got out my Bible and showed them the passages we talked about. They asked me questions about why those passages were marked in different colors in my Bible. After a little more conversation we wrestled in the bed and then fell asleep watching football together.

The next morning we got up, ate breakfast, and swam more before they decided we needed to work out in the hotel fitness center (another “learning experience” they genuinely loved). We got chili-cheese conies at Sonic for lunch (my seven year old’s favorite food) before going to Vollmer’s Farm for the afternoon (if you live within driving distance of Bunn, NC this is a must-do family event). We exhausted ourselves for the next four hours. My youngest fell asleep on the way home and my seven year old initiated more conversation about school and how to respond to his friends.

My favorite quote of the trip happened in that conversation. My seven old said he wished I was his school teacher because, “It would take someone like you Papa to change [name of disruptive student] or somebody else who goes by the name Papa… you know, God.” Then as he was making elaborate plans to impact students in his class, he said, “I am just going to keep being an example and saying good words to [name]. I hope they will sink into his heart and change him.” Shortly after that we woke up little brother and pulled off to get ice cream.

As we ate, I asked them what their favorite part of the trip was. The oldest said it was swimming at the hotel pool and watching TV after bedtime. The youngest said it was wrestling in the bed and working out in the fitness center. Then I asked them if they knew what my favorite part of the trip. My oldest blushed, trying to look slightly annoyed, and said, “I know, Papa, it was spending time with us.”

Here is what I think I have learned from my first two attempts at “special trips.”

  • Stay at a hotel with a pool. That means the world to my boys. They enjoy it (and therefore remember it) more than anything else we do.
  • Keep the teaching points to one or two things and tie the teaching times to something memorable. Let the themes of the trip echo through several shorter conversations rather than longer talks.
  • Enjoy yourself. I wouldn’t trade these first two trips for something ten times the monetary cost the trips. From what I can tell it was my enjoyment of the time that prevented the messages from overpowering the trips.
  • Reminisce about the special trip after you get back home. This can help reinforce the key messages of the trip without having to belabor the key messages. It is easier to avoid “talk-malaise” when I ask, “Do you remember what we talked about at the campfire on our first special trip?”

Reflections on a Messy House

by brad on December 22, 2010 in Counseling Reflection, Personal Entry with No comments

As I type this my home looks like a box farm. In between the evenly spaced rows of boxes are bag weeds and toys weeds sprouting across the floor. It is a chaos that I do not enjoy. But as I have faced it, I have been surprised at how little (relative to previous transitions) it has affected me.

In all honesty, I do not believe this is because of some spiritual growth spurt. Instead, I think it has more to do with the level of trust I have in my wife. She is amazing. I think she is the prototype Solomon used to test pilot Proverbs 31 (if he was the smartest guy ever, he could have built a time machine).

As I look at my messy home, I know my wife has a plan. I don’t pretend to fully understand all that is going on. There is an order to when things are packed and where collections of boxes are stacked. We have several stages to the move ahead of us – home to apartment to home. Some things will have to go into storage while we wait. We may pass through several seasons during that time – winter, spring, summer (we pray not fall – sell home sell!). Each season has its own needs.

Yet even as I type those things, I am not hyperventilating because I have seen my wife work through many complex domestic dilemmas during the course of our marriage. I am struck by how much stronger my faith can be in my wife than in my God.

Everything that I wrote about my home could have been said about my life. Each description of my wife could also be said of my God (and more). But with one I rest in delight and awe and the other I fret and get antsy. I trust my wife more to orchestrate the moving of our home than I do my God to orchestrate the sell of our home (for one example).

I admit that if there is a relationship I have that borders on (and sometimes crosses) the line of idolatry it is my wife (followed closely by my children). When that line is crossed I should repent of that sin as much as any other.

But that is not the first place my thoughts have gone as I have examined myself in the midst of the moving process. I see in this the blessing of having a “godly” spouse. When my spouse reflects the character of God and I share the closest of personal relationships with her, I learn what it is to trust God.

In this regard, I am discipled by relating to her character as much by living in interaction with her godly characteristics as I am by having a scripturally-informed, theologically-consistent conversation with her. I get a taste, a glimpse, a sense of what it means to follow God in the midst of uncertainty as I walk with my wife through a messy house.

I pray there are ways she could say the same of me. That there are ways in which I emulate God’s character well enough that her daily interactions with me create a living case study of what it means to have a close, daily relationship with God.

Two final thoughts on this post: first, do not let the thoughts expressed here be an excuse not to study Scripture in your pursuit of following God. A spouse is never a replacement for God (that is the essence of idolatry). Second, do look for characteristics of God in your spouse and reflect on how the traits enrich your life. Then trace them back to God and allow the blessings of marriage to enrich your walk with God.

Resigning at Crossroads to Join The Summit Church (Raleigh, NC)

by brad on November 15, 2010 in Personal Entry with No comments

This is an open letter (PDF copy BLOG_resignationletter_BCH) to the Body of Christ in the CSRA. It has been a joy to serve you through Crossroads Counseling for the last 7½ years. But I am announcing my resignation effective December 22, 2010 in order to accept a position as the Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church in Raleigh, North Carolina (www.summitrdu.com) and as Adjunct Professor of Biblical Counseling at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary (www.sebts.edu).

Up until December 22 I will continue to take appointments with existing clients, but I am no longer taking first appointments in order to most effectively serve those with whom I have a counseling relationship. Celeste Vernon will continue to serve the CSRA Body of Christ with counseling. She will practice two days a week in Waynesboro and two days a week in Augusta. Information about the specific times and locations of her availability will be available at www.crossroadsaugusta.org or at 706.364.1270 as those details are solidified.

Part of my responsibilities at The Summit and Southeastern will involve training graduate level counseling students and equipping them to direct counseling ministries like Crossroads. Crossroads is a unique ministry and is needed in more communities. The Board of Directors of Crossroads has petitioned me to identify a graduate who would be willing to come to Augusta and continue the work of Crossroads. This will likely take one to two years. Crossroads will “hibernate” until then and relaunch to serve our community again.

In the meantime, for those who are in need of additional counseling services, I would recommend:

  • Celeste Vernon (706.364.1270) – for counseling as Crossroads currently provides
  • Berry Hudson @ Hindsight Counseling (706.910.5000) – for fee based counseling very similar to Crossroads
  • Dr. Maria Gangarosa-Emerson (706.447.8700) – for counseling related to children
  • Roger Bennett @ Overcomers Outreach (706.863.2645) – addiction related struggles
  • Dr. John Hill (706.305.3137) – for those seeking counseling paid for by their insurance

Many of you may be willing to continue to pray for my ministry; I would greatly appreciate your prayers. My new position will entail counseling, training small group leaders and other church members for “one another” ministry, working with other church staff to enhance existing ministries, overseeing seminary counseling students in practicum courses, using seminars to minister to the church and evangelistically reach out to the community, and work with the church’s international missionaries to care for them and equip them for pastoral care needs on the mission field.

Let me say again that serving Augusta has been a rich blessing from God. It is a privilege to be allowed to walk with individuals and families during their times of crisis and confusion. My prayer would be that God has used me in the chain of II Corinthians 1:3-5, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too,” and the ripples of this ministry will spread through the individuals, families, and churches I have been blessed to serve.

Reflections on a Rite of Passage Trip

by brad on August 5, 2010 in Personal Entry with 4 Comments

If you know me at all, you quickly learn I am a cheesy, tangible, sentimental guy. So as my son prepares to start kindergarten, I decided to plan a trip to commemorate his “rite of passage.” It was one of my best (both in terms of joy and significance) experiences as a parent to date.

Our schedule was fairly simple (though longer than necessary) for the four day, three night trip. Travel and camp by the family pond on day one. Catch a St. Louis Cardinals game on day two. See my alma mater, Union University, and do fun “guy stuff” on day three. Finally, visit the church of my college roommate and travel home on day four.

What follows are reflections (some playful; some serious) from the trip, written just as I have arrived home (pictures available on Facebook).

  • Do this with your kids! I would not trade the last four days for the world. We both arrived home with tears in our eyes.
  • Keep the biblical lessons you want to impart to a couple of key points that fit the child’s upcoming transition. We discussed Luke 2:40 and I Corinthians 10:13 on a couple of occasions for each passage. But don’t count on “before bedtime” as the best time to talk.
  • Prepare a picture album of the child’s life up to that age (thanks Gran). It makes the sense of life transition more real for both of you.
  • For younger kids life skills like pumping gas, ordering at a restaurant, checking into the hotel, or keeping up with the room key make “getting bigger” seem more real to them.
  • If you get the nachos supreme as your pre-game supper, then don’t try exploring the top of the stadium as your 2.5 hour rain delay entertainment tactic.
  • If you are going to do a rugged outdoor portion of the trip, put it in the beginning before you are getting tired and get used to having a continental breakfast.
  • Teach your children unique parts of your story if you can. Taking my son to the place I proposed to Sallie and to see my kindergarten classroom made for several good conversations.
  • Have fun! Fishing, getting an Aussie Cheesefry (he calls us the “high cholesterol boys”), swimming at the hotel pool, rolling pigs (hard to explain), and getting a late night ice cream cone gave the trip life.
  • Pick something selfless for your child to do. Attending my college roommate’s church was not as exciting as the rest of the trip (for my son that is, sorry Lee). But asking my son to take pleasure in my joy as I did in his, and then to see him do that was a special mark of maturity and bonding.
  • Say “I love you” a lot.
  • As a working dad (papa), it is a rare thing to get 96 continuous hours with my children. What I learned in that block of time was unique even as compared to a family vacation.
  • Teach them to tell their story. Both the simple short story (I cannot tell you how many times we talked about him catching a turtle) and their life story (the picture album and travel time were a great time to review life).
  • Don’t forget the purpose of the trip when things get off schedule (types the compulsive schedule keeping papa). Nothing I had hoped to say or do but didn’t detracted from the purpose of spending four days concentrated on enjoying my son and preparing him for the next season of life God has for him.
  • Finally, regardless of time allotment or activity, find a meaningful way to make the life transitions of your children and bond with them during this time. It will do wonders to place all the “grown up stuff” you do in perspective.

Reflections on a 10 Year Anniversary Trip

by brad on April 14, 2010 in Personal Entry with No comments

Recently I was blessed to go on a trip for my 10 year marriage anniversary.  We took the opportunity to travel up the Eastern side of the United States and stay in various bed and breakfasts from Richmond, Virginia to Marblehead, Massachusetts trying new foods and looking at old things (pictures are on Facebook if you care to see).  It proved to be a wonderful way to celebrate one of the great blessings of my life (my marriage).

This reflection is meant to spur thoughts in your mind about how you might best celebrate, enrich, reflect on, and appreciate the marriage or close relationships in your life.  I know many readers have been married longer than I and some long to be married or have a healthier marriage.  But I hope these reflections can find a way to serve you where you are.

  • A trip does not make a good marriage, but a good marriage can make a trip.  Don’t get caught thinking it is the special events that make a strong marriage.  It is the daily investing yourself and sacrificing for one another that gives you something to celebrate.
  • If you don’t have the habit of talking regularly, you will have to plan a trip of entertainment to fill the silence.  Work hard to develop a close friendship with your spouse.  If you need help with this consider the 2010 Conversation and Prayer Topics tool .
  • If you are going to drive, make sure to get a GPS unit.  It is a worthwhile investment, but don’t trust it in New York City.  My TomTom and I had a falling out when it took me through the Bronx and Queens, thereby treating us to much “Northern hospitality.”
  • Save for the trip.  As Dave Ramsey says, “The best trips are ones you don’t have to pay for when you get home.”  The sacrifice of saving is a healthy marital discipline.  The fun of the trip balances this discipline with delight.
  • Remember, your spouse is the trip.  The goal is not to get away and be entertained.  The goal is to remove yourself from distractions.  With this in mind, don’t over plan the trip.  Full schedules make for stress and less conversation – that’s what you’re getting away from. 
  • Fancy foods don’t taste that much better than regular foods.  Chilean Sea Bass isn’t that different from Georgia pond bass.  The one exception would be the Lamb Osso Bucco at B’asta in Cranston, Rhode Island.  I’m pretty sure that is the first dish we will get to taste in heaven.
  • Take time to reflect on the way God has changed you as individuals and as a couple.  Without this conversation God will likely get left out of the trip.  This should be a time of encouraging your spouse and strengthening your faith as you remember God’s faithfulness.
  • Take time to anticipate the challenges that likely wait in the coming years.  What will be different about the next season of life?  This is not a time to try to develop a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc…, but to discuss the key priorities and values with which you would face those challenges.  You will likely guess wrong on the particular challenges, but the unity of values will prove very worthwhile.
  • Plan a trip that fits the two of you.  For us this was antiques and history for Sallie and new foods and country views for me.  Once we gave ourselves the freedom to forget about what “we should do” on a trip up the East coast, we were able to plan one we would actually enjoy.
  • Celebrate your marriage daily (not just once a decade).  Don’t let a day go by without pausing longer than you have to and telling your spouse how grateful you are to get to take your one trip through life with them.  Thank God for this blessing regularly in your prayers and treat your marriage as if it is one of the primary ways God will work in your life (to shape your character and deepen your joy).
 
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