All posts in Counseling Reflection

Hope After Sexual Abuse – Video Two: The Search for Peace

by brad on June 14, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 2 Comments

This video is taken from the live presentation of the “Hope & Restoration After Sexual Abuse” seminar presented at The Summit Church May 23 and 25, 2013.

In this segment of the seminar an emphasis is placed on the emotional recovery from the experience of sexual abuse: how to grieve the loss of innocence, face the intensity of shame and anger that are often felt, and face other symptoms of post-traumatic stress which are often present after sexual abuse.

Listening Note: If the materials below become overwhelming for you, please feel free to stop the videos and come back to them later. It is good for you to have a voice in how much you can process at one time.

The notebook which accompanies this presentation is available here in PDF form: Hope & Restoration After Sexual Abuse Notes

Hour Two:
The Search for Peace

Hope & Restoration After Sexual Abuse: Part 2 from Equip on Vimeo.

Scripture Exercise One: Psalm 55 Personalized for Sexual Abuse

Scripture Exercise Two: Isaiah 53 Personalized for Sexual Abuse

Scripture Exercise Three: WHO I AM IN CHRIST_KELLEMEN

Additional Resources

Correction: In the seminar, several times I reference that 40% of the population has been sexually abused. The actual number should be 20%. This was brought to my attention by someone who saw the math I was mis-computing. I added 1 in 4 women (25%) to 1 in 6 men (17%) and got 42%. However by that math 158% of people would have been abused — 3 in 4 women (75%) and 5 in 6 men (83%). I apologize for this error, which was an honest mistake by an amateur statistician.

 

After Three Years in Mere Christianity

by brad on June 12, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 1 Comment

lewisFrom June 2010 until a few weeks ago it was my weekly habit to write a blog post from an excerpt from Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. I would read a chapter and collect anywhere from three to eight quotes that captured my imagination. Then I would write 500-750 words (about one page on a Word document) of reflection on a particular point or illustration – usually 30-45 minutes of writing time.

Periodically, during this exercise I would listen to Mere Christianity on CD. This helped keep the context of each passage fresh and gave me a greater appreciation for its original presentation – a series of radio lectures which were later compiled into a book.

When I started I had no idea how long the project would last or if it would keep my attention. But now, 3 years and 138 posts later, I am taking this opportunity to ponder what I gained from this exercise.

  • A great deal of accessible teaching points – Over the last few years many of the reflections in this series became points in sermons and seminars. Lewis’ gift for making profound truths accessible is a treasure chest for any teacher.
  • Sharper skills of illustration and analogy – In might be an overstatement to say it feels like I’ve had a weekly appointment with C.S. Lewis for the last three years, but in many ways it has felt that way. Reading, listening, and reflecting on this book (while regularly listening to Narnia… for my kids… of course) has affected how I think. My ability to create effective analogies in teaching and counseling has grown significantly over this time.
  • An appreciation for the seeds of Narnia – This may be one of my favorite parts. Many places I would find Lewis illustrating a point in a way that he would later bring to life in the magical world of Narnia. Reading non-fiction that would become “more real” by being transformed into children’s fiction was fascinating.
  • Better skills of conversational writing – Learning that Mere Christianity was originally a series of radio shows gave me an appreciation for its conversational style. I was challenged to think through the overlap and unique possibilities that exist between writing and speaking. While I think my writing still needs to grow in its conversational quality, these three years have given me a greater desire to see that growth occur.
  • A greater appreciation for the Christian faith – If it was Lewis’ desire to show people the plausibility and beauty of the core of Christianity, then I can say he succeeded with me. Some books on apologetics might make Christianity “make sense,” but over these three years I gained more than “teaching points.” I gained something more akin to an appetite or an ear for music. There was enthusiasm and anticipation that came with knowledge.

Next week I’ll post a directory to all 138 blogs in this series. If you would like to read through Mere Christianity with a counselor, I would invite you to get your own copy of Mere Christianity, bookmark that post, and read my reflections as you journal your own.

If you have partaken in parts of this journey through Mere Christianity with me I would enjoy hearing how these posts may have enriched your own walk with Christ. Please leave your thoughts as comments on this post.

 

What Is Burnout and How Can I Recover?

by brad on June 10, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 8 Comments

burnoutIn this video I answer the following questions about my latest booklet Burnout: Resting in God’s Fairness.

  • What initially motivated you to write a booklet on burnout?
  • What is burnout, anyway, I don’t think I’ve ever understood the term?
  • What causes burnout?
  • What are some of the main take aways from this booklet?
  • What else is in the booklet?

Bob cares, or at least he used to. Bob cared about his family (actively involved with his children and feeling disappointed whenever he can’t regularly take his wife on a date). Bob cared about people (at work, in his small group, children, the homeless, and the lost overseas). Bob cared about his work (passionate about his career, advancing up the corporate ladder, and wanting his reputation to be a good example of Christ). Everyone liked Bob and wanted to be like Bob.

“Caring” is a fire that burns, and burning fires require fuel. The problem was that the better Bob did at anything, the more everything came to him as a “great opportunity.” Bob cared, so he tried to honor every “open door” God brought into his life. Soon there were more care-fires than there was Bob to burn, and he started to be consistently tired; not just physically tired, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually tired.

Frequently Bob began to find that he didn’t have “it” to give to his family, work, church, or friends. His talent and likeability covered things well enough that few people could notice; except his wife. But instead of taking this as a caution to slow down, Bob felt guilty that he wasn’t able to give his best anymore and secretly began to wonder if he had risen above his actual ability in every area of life (could he continue to be a good husband, good father, good manager, good small group leader, etc…). At first this guilt and shame provided a great energy boost and got him “back in the game.” This happened several times over the course of a couple of years. He thought maybe it was a mild bout of depression or fatigue, so he started taking some vitamin supplements and trying to work out more often. That helped… for a while.

But the fatigue kept coming back. Bob tried not to notice, but he could tell he was becoming more cynical. Bob was a caring guy who was starting not to care. He would help when needs arose, but it began to feel like a burden and his once tender heart towards others was growing callous. Now even the guilt he felt about not caring wasn’t enough to jar him back into tender-hearted love. A sense of duty and not wanting to disappoint his family was about all Bob had left. Strangely, this began to cause Bob to resent his family. As he realized this, he saw that he had already begun to avoid his friends. Those who wanted Bob to be “Bob” just “don’t understand me anymore and create too much pressure” was the thought that he kept finding himself repeating. The belief emerged that only Bob was going to take care of Bob; everyone else would just take from Bob.

While Bob was going through the motions of work, home, and ministry (in that priority now), he was making sense of life in a whole new way. Life had become a black and white movie with a theme of duty and responsibility. Now anything that introduced color with freedom and excitement was deemed “good.” Surprisingly, Bob kept wrestling with the fact that these things had all be deemed “bad” before—the attention from his secretary who was just there to serve him and seemed to genuinely care, the couple of drinks at night that were faithful to take the edge off, and the impulse purchases that showed Bob he could do what he wanted. Bob’s wife and “old friends” (as he now thought of them) would raise concerns about these things. This only reinforced his now firmly held cynical belief that they didn’t care about him, were judgmental, and pushed him further into isolation.

Predictably, Bob’s work performance fell, he starting having an affair with his secretary, and the drinking grew beyond “a couple.” Over a two month period everything started to come to light—his wife noticed the extra spending and found “questionable” (as she tried to politely called them) e-mails with the secretary, confronted him, persisted through his denials, and started to piece together the truth. With the separation that followed, the affair became public knowledge at work too. Within two more months Bob was fired, had a temp job, was living in an apartment with his secretary, only saw his kids for about an hour a week at McDonalds, and was under discipline at his church. When the dust settled, Bob was shocked and sickened. When he permitted himself to ask, “What happened?” his emotions fluctuated from intense shame-guilt to cold anger-bitterness then retreated back into numb callousness.

How could he have gotten here? How could he have been as mean to his wife and friends as he was when his sin came to light? How could his conscience have missed that he was slipping into such dangerous patterns? He had taught classes at church on the dangers of everything he had done and gotten rave reviews about how good they were. Why was he just now starting to care again?

Hope After Sexual Abuse – Video One: Understanding the Disruption

by brad on June 7, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 2 Comments

This video is taken from the live presentation of the “Hope & Restoration After Sexual Abuse” seminar presented at The Summit Church May 23 and 25, 2013.

In this segment of the seminar an attempt is made to describe the type of disruption that is experienced in the aftermath of sexual abuse. It is hoped that the listener will gain an understanding of many of the emotional and relational affects of sexual abuse. With this understanding the listener should be in a better position to utilize the material found in the next two installments of this seminar.

Listening Note: If the materials below become overwhelming for you, please feel free to stop the videos and come back to them later. It is good for you to have a voice in how much you can process at one time.

The notebook which accompanies this presentation is available here in PDF form: Hope & Restoration After Sexual Abuse Notes

Hour One:
Understanding the Disruption

Hope & Restoration After Sexual Abuse: Part 1 from Equip on Vimeo.

Additional Resources

Correction: In the seminar, several times I reference that 40% of the population has been sexually abused. The actual number should be 20%. This was brought to my attention by someone who saw the math I was mis-computing. I added 1 in 4 women (25%) to 1 in 6 men (17%) and got 42%. However by that math 158% of people would have been abused — 3 in 4 women (75%) and 5 in 6 men (83%). I apologize for this error, which was an honest mistake by an amateur statistician.

Is Personality Hereditary?

by brad on June 3, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 2 Comments

This is an interesting question; a question that anyone with multiple children has grappled with. How can my children so instinctively respond just like me or my spouse? But on the other hand, how can two children from the same parents be so different?

One set of anecdotal observations says personality must be genetic – the level of commonality seems too great to be explained solely by environmental influence.  But another set of anecdotal observations seems to say the opposite – if two children share so much genetic code in common, how could their personalities take on such contrasts?

In a recent sent of lectures I was listening to from a leading neuro-psychologist,[1] he said that research estimates that 50% of the extroversion-introversion personality trait was determined by genetics.[2] The other 50% was determined by factors such as home stability, birth order, early socialization experiences, etc…

On face value that’s not shocking. In the age-old nature vs. nurture debate that is about what we would expect; half of our personality is inherited, the other half is learned or molded. But it was the next two statistics that he gave from the same research that caused me to pause.

According to the research he reviewed, he said that:

  • 60% of whether you are politically conservative or liberal was genetically determined and
  • 70% of whether you marry and the quality of your marriage was genetically determined.

A quick word about his research; from what I could tell, his scientific work was excellent. He referenced meta-analysis studies not single study published research findings. There is a big difference in the quality between the two. Meta-analysis (in layman’s terms) average out the findings of hundreds of studies on a subject. A single published study is trying to find something interesting/significant enough to get published.

All of this to say, I am not questioning the quality of his work. To whatever degree that the hereditability of personality traits or life outcomes can be predicted scientifically, I trust the style of work Dr. Leary was doing. In addition to this, he is highly esteemed by his peers (not just popular media outlets, who tend to prefer the more eye-catching, yet-to-be-verified studies).

So what do we make of the 50% genetically determined personality statistic now? I think most of us would say it’s less impressive that we thought when we read it initially.

For the moment let’s assume all of the statistics are correct (I do not have the credentials or expertise to debate his methods). Let me frame two questions that help us assess what we do with the 50% hereditability of personality statistics.

  • How much weight do you give the 40% of non-genetic factors in your political leanings?
  • How much weight do you give the 30% non-genetic factors in the quality of your marriage?

My guess is most readers would say, “A great deal of weight.” As a hard-working father, I probably only get to share 30% of the waking hours with my two boys. But I believe those hours carry as much weigh/influence as (probably more than) almost anything else in their life.

I believe, if these numbers are true, we should think the same way about the choice-factors in our personality. If God knit us together in our mother’s womb (Ps. 139:13) and has plans for us to accomplish for his glory (Eph. 2:1), then why would be surprised that God began preparing us for those good works genetically from the moment of our conception.

As an important side note on this subject, I believe we must be careful not to place a good-bad distinction on the extrovert-introvert spectrum (or any other personality variable for that matter). Thinking of certain personality traits as good-bad, leads us to accept a can-can’t mentality on the basis of personality.

As a quick personal example, I am a pretty intense introvert. For a long time I assumed this meant I could not be a leader, public speaker, or (at times) even a good Christian husband. I mistook this personality trait for a limitation on my other gifts and abilities. Similarly, I mistook a relational role (leader) for a personality type (extrovert). Now I am comfortable being an introverted leader and husband.

So what should our take away from this reflection be? I would propose it should be the following three points:

  • If 50% of my personality is genetic… (I can trust that God designed these elements of my personality to coincide with His purposed for my life),
  • … then there is still 50% of my personality over which I have influence… (I should expect that I will frequently be called by God to do things that are uncomfortable to my natural bent and trust Him to give me whatever I need to accomplish these tasks),
  • AND 100% of my personality can express itself in whatever ways necessary to accomplish whatever God lays out for my life.

Join the Conversation

How does viewing genetic influences in light of God’s design change the way you think about genetic influence upon personality?

How might the church reinforce the cultural notion (implicitly or explicitly) that certain personality traits are more valuable or desirable than others and, thereby, discourage a significant percentage of congregants?

Note: This post was originally posted on the “Grace and Truth” blog of the Biblical Counseling Coalition.


[1] The lectures were from The Great Courses series (www.thegreatcourses.com). The lecture series was “Understanding the Mysteries of Human Behavior” by Dr. Mark Leary, Garonzik Family Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University. My reasons for listening these lectures were two fold. First, I wanted to be more informed of neuro-psychology. Second, my church has a large number of students from Duke University and I believed it was an important part of learning the community in which I serve as Pastor of Counseling.

 

[2] These statistics come from Lecture 3 “Where Do People’s Personalities Come From?” While I disagree with Dr. Leary’s predominant evolutionary beliefs about human origins and the development of personality, I do not believe these beliefs contrasts influenced his interpretation of this research.

C.S. Lewis on Looking

by brad on May 6, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 7 Comments

A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

“Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in (p. 227).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

lewisOne of the most common maladies of human perception can be summarized in the sentence, “We tend to see first what we fear most.” Think about it.

  •     If you fear rejection, what will you hear in most conversations?
  •     If you fear failure, what will you see the strong possibility of in most situations?
  •     If you fear insignificance, how will you see most of your accomplishments?

This is not a call to positive thinking. Pride can be just as distorting as insecurity and often carries much greater consequences. The traces of humility found in insecurity often allow it to be a less destructive distortion.

Instead, this is a call to self-awareness. What are you looking for and how does it affect what you see and what you feel? The influence is inevitable. Either we will become aware of blindness and ask God for eyes to see or we will remain blind to our blindness.

Those who look to or in themselves for hope will realize there is not “enough.” They may then despise themselves (hatred), isolate (loneliness), give up (despair), get angry (rage), make self-destructive choices (ruin), or merely do the best they can (decay). Regardless where they look determines what they see and what they do.

Those who look to Christ for hope will find that there is “more than enough.” Actually these individuals will see the same life challenges that those in the previous paragraph experience. Looking to Christ does not change our circumstances; in the sense of removing obstacles.

However, they will see these challenges not as threats or insults which must be faced alone, but as the next chapters of their growing relationship with Christ. Pain will still hurt. Disappointment will still sting. Loss will still generate grief.

But in each of these moments, those who look to Christ will be freed from looking within themselves for answers to questions that are bigger than they are (a recipe for inevitable failure). They will be able to turn to the Ancient of Days (Daniel 7:9-22) for perspective and comfort.

Like a child who looks to his/her parent when something unsettling happens; seeking to draw comfort from their experience or demeanor, we can look to God who is not caught off guard and is not threatened to gain comfort and perspective.

When we can face the hard seasons of our life with this confidence, then it allows us to savor the good seasons of our life without fear. We do not have to wait for “the other shoe to drop” or scheme how to freeze this moment in time. We can life like children who trust their parents to care for them. This is what it means to get “everything else thrown in.”

C.S. Lewis on How to Make a Good Impression

by brad on April 29, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 3 Comments

A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

“The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring two pence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it (p. 226).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

lewisSelf-preoccupation may be the world’s most secure prison. How much of our truncated, fearful, bitter, self-destructive, or prejudicial thinking is generated from a fixation on self?

The problem is bigger than unpleasant emotions. The more we focus on our self and what others think of us the less effective we become at whatever we are doing.

  • A comedian focused on what the crowd thinks of him is less funny.
  • An athlete worried about how the media will gauge his performance has weaker instincts.
  • A writer concerned about his critics’ reviews is less creative.
  • A politician concerned about his approval rating loses his convictions.
  • A parent worried about whether their child likes them is less consistent.
  • A counselor worried about what he will say next listens poorly and is less insightful.

The thing we want most (whatever it is) will cost us what we do most naturally (fixate on self). What does it take to obtain the life we all want?

We must find something that:

  1. Draws our attention away from our self.
  2. Can keep our attention for a lifetime.
  3. Moves us towards love rather than power.

There are many things that can accomplish “A.” Every time we are caught up in a moment of awe this objective has been accomplished.

There are very few things on the A-list that can also accomplish “B.” Especially in a day of information overload, we are quickly bored or distracted; or our pleasure fades with age.

However, only the gospel can accomplish “C.” Every other pleasure drives us to control or mastery and turns us in on ourselves or becomes increasingly less relevant as we near death. The sooner and more fully we embrace the gospel the longer and more completely we know life.

C.S. Lewis on “The Real You”

by brad on April 8, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 3 Comments

A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

“In that sense our real selves are all waiting for us in Him. It is no good trying to ‘be myself’ without Him. The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact what I so proudly call ‘Myself’ becomes merely the meeting place for trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop (p. 225).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

lewisWho is “the real you”? Is it the sum total of the good and bad experiences; achievements you’ve made and abuses you’ve faced? Is it the choices you make when nobody’s looking or when all eyes are on you; is realness revealed by isolation or pressure?

Is the real you the first impulse you have in a given situation or that voice of better judgment that echoes afterwards; does my desire or my reason define “me”? Is it your genetic composition or the immaterial voice in your head; does my body or spirit define “me”?

These are hard, make-your-head-hurt questions. Lewis answers the question this way (paraphrased), the real you is the you God made you to be. Further, the real you (ultimate authenticity) can only be realized when you allow God to invade your life.

Until then the assortment of shaping influences in our life make us dance like a kite in the wind instead of catching those influences like the sail of a ship to move with the Captain’s purpose. Until God has His rightful place in my life things about me compete to define me; descriptions strive to become definitions.

Until God has His rightful place pride or shame become the slippery ice on which I assess every action I take, quality I have, and dream I aspire. Everything is either “better than” or “not good enough.” The result is restless comparison that mutates my identity with each change in my circumstance or cements my identity in a way that makes it hard for me to love.

But when God steps in to my strengths and weaknesses, failures and successes, quirks and social norms, then descriptions can remain descriptions. I can have weaknesses without being weak. I can fail without being a failure. I can have strengths and successes without pride.

This is neither self-esteem positive thinking nor everyone-gets-a-trophy merit-less incentivizing. It is redemption living and breathing in our souls. It is the gospel giving definition and purpose to our sin, suffering, and identity.

Strengths are gifts given for a purpose. Successes are satisfying advancements of a kingdom bigger than your own. Weaknesses are opportunities for God to receive glory. Failures are opportunities to humbly demonstrate how the gospel changes guilt and shame.

This frees you to be you without fear – fear of failure or success; fear of rejection or “being found out” after acceptance. The one who knows you best, lives with you most intimately, and whose opinion matters most (God) is the one who loves you most. That is the freedom you were looking for in every other relationship; attempt to hide/excel; or pondering about what it would mean to be “the real you.”

To see the first 100 posts in this series click here.

Burnout

by brad on April 4, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 2 Comments

burnoutBurnout is never caused by a single area of life. Burn out is a function of our total life management. One area of life cannot get out of order without overt choices of neglect being made other areas of life. This means that if we managed the others areas of our life well, it would have contained the area (i.e., work, ministry, parenting, etc…) that was the primary cause of burnout. We must resist the temptation to blame life, or even one area of our life management, for the experience of burnout. Burnout is a result of how we have managed our life as a whole.

So we might begin our assessment of burnout’s cause with this foundational statement—burnout is the result of living beyond our means with the time God has provided. It is common to say that someone is “living beyond their means” financially. There is a cultural epidemic of people spending more than they earn. The majority of Americans have a negative net-worth; we owe more than we own. We will use this parallel of financial and time management many times, so begin to think in these categories.

The first thing God’s fairness requires of the person moving towards burnout is to rest in the fact that everything fits in a 168 hour week. This means that even if there are 200 hours worth of excellent things to be accomplished in a week, that you can have assurance at least 32 hours of your agenda is outside the will of God for your life; not “outside the will of God” in terms of being bad, but “outside the will of God” in the sense that God will accomplish this, if it needs to be done, through someone else.

Resource

In my booklet Burnout: Resting in God’s Fairness there is a “time budget tool.” Here is a printable version of the blank and overdrawn sample of this resource.

 

Is There a “Jesus Personality”?

by brad on April 1, 2013 in Counseling Reflection with 3 Comments

A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

“Suppose a person who knew nothing about salt. You give him a pinch to taste and he experiences a particular strong, sharp taste. You then tell him that in your country people use salt in all their cookery. Might he not reply ‘In that case I suppose all your dishes taste exactly the same: because the taste of that stuff you have just given me is so strong that it will kill the taste of everything else.’ But you and I know what the real effect of salt is exactly the opposite. So far from killing the taste of the egg and the tripe and the cabbage, it actually brings it out. They do not show their real taste until you have added the salt (p. 224-225).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

lewisIs there one prototype Christian personality? If the aim of every Christian is to be Christ-like, is there an idyllic “Jesus personality”? If every Christian is supposed to manifest the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23), does this list represent the temperament of the Holy Spirit?

It would be tempting, on the basis of logic, to say, “Yes, that makes sense. I think there would be.” But if that were the case then some people would have a genetic advantage or dispositional advantage in their walk with God – calm people, social people, smart people, charismatic people, etc…

But Lewis’ quote helps us avoid taking that line of thinking too far.

No doubt, like the taste of salt, the teaching of Scripture is strong. If “tasted” apart from the people it was meant to “season,” one would assume every genuine Christ-follower would be just alike. However, that is not the function of God’s Word.

God gave the Bible to draw out of each person the unique gifts and passions He placed in those individuals for the purpose of advancing His kingdom. In light of this reflection, read I Corinthians 12:4-11 (ESV).

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.

The same Spirit who gives us uniform character qualities gives us diversity of gifts. Love, joy, peace, patience, and the other fruit of the Spirit would take on different qualities when they are expressed by someone strong in wisdom, faith, hospitality, etc…

The same God who calls us all to be like Christ, also made us male and female, with different cultures, with different passions, and many other differences.

In this sense, God is like every other Father (biblical images are always the most illuminating). While a father has many children who all bear his image, each one (even if they are twins) have unique features that make them distinguishable and special. Anyone who knows the family well can both tell you who their father is and tell you what makes each one unique. There is not contradiction or tension.

To see the first 100 posts in this series click here.

 

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