7 Marks of Enduring Accountability Relationships

Accountability is not just for life-dominating struggles. It is part of God’s definition of “healthy.” People who do not have relationships in which they are honest about their struggles, seeking accountability and encouragement are people who are becoming “unhealthy.”

The seven points below are meant to guide you in the kind of relationships you that facilitate this component of healthy relationships and rationales for why small groups are a natural place to forge these kinds of relationships.

  1. Voluntary – Accountability is not something you have (a noun); it is something you do (an active tense verb). You must disclose in order to benefit from the relationship. If you rely on the other person to “ask the magic question” or “just know” what is wrong, you are sabotaging the opportunity for accountability.
  2. Trusted – The other person(s) is someone you trust, admire their character, and believe has good judgment. Part of the reason many of us react negatively to the idea of accountability is that we have not gotten to know people well enough to build the trust that facilitates this kind of relationship. Small group provides the time and space necessary for trust to grow.
  3. Mutual – Relationships that are one-sided tend to be short-lived. In the small group you will hear the weaknesses and struggles of others as you share your own. You will help carry their burdens as they help carry your burdens (Gal. 6:1-2).
  4. Scheduled – Accountability that is not scheduled tends to fade; even when we have the best of intentions. This is why small groups that meet on a weekly basis are an ideal place for accountability to occur. Everyone knows when to meet and has a shared expectation for how the accountability conversations will begin.
  5. Relational – Spiritual growth is a lifestyle not an event. This means that we invite accountability to be a part of our regular conversations not just something that we do at a weekly meeting. It should mean that there are times when we are doing accountability and don’t realize it.
    • Caring for people and wanting to know how they’re doing with things they asked you to pray for is a form of accountability.
    • Hanging out together, casually hearing about life challenges, and offering advise / encouragement is a form of accountability.
    • Getting lunch and remembering to ask about an area of struggle is a form of accountability
  6. Comprehensive – Accountability that exclusively fixates on one subject tends to become repetitive and fade. It also tends to reduce “success” to trusting God in a single area of life.
  7. Encouraging – Too often the word “accountability” carries the connotation of “sin hunt.” When that is the case accountability is only perceived to be “working” when it is negative (i.e., it catches the particular sin in question). However, accountability that lasts should celebrate growth in character as fervently as it works on slips in character.

The key questions to ask yourself now are:

  • Who are the people in my life with whom I do or could have this kind of relationship?
  • Which of these characteristics are strongest in our relationship?
  • Which of these characteristics would require intentionality for fortify a weakness?
  • Am I willing to take the next step to begin or improve my accountability relationships?

If this post was beneficial for you, then considering reading other blogs from my “Favorite Posts on the Church and Counseling” post which address other facets of this subject.